she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
