Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I puked a lego.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
