he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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