My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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