we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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