You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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