i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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