im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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