somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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