I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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