If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
BRING THE BAGELS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize