Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
