ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
