On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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