weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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