Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
