I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
