Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
