Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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