Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
