why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
