Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
