life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
