Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
