yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
