She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
