Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
