Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
