Screwed.edu
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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