FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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