I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
