just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
