I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
why is half of my head shaved?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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