i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
