im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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