I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
