im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize