My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
