thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize