I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
