god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
