then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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