So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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