Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
