He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
