What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
