don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
