I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
