The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
