Ambien. No doubt about it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
