all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
