The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
two words: eviction party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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