i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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