um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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