this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mom said you looked used
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
