It's Friday. Sex?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize