apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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