You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
