At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
