My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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